Wednesday, August 03, 2005

The Stream of Conciousness post


Two days ago there was a zombie eating my neighbors foot while standing in a bowl of spaghettios that look to be lukewarm. Two sigh's later and the Zombie's head has exploded due to Chef Boyardee blasting him with a four barrel shotgun! Awesome! I exclaim as the Chef High fives me while flipping off the Kool Aide Man that is walking across the street. I frown being a childhood hero of mine. Kool Aide man whips out an Uzi and sprays across the street riddling the Chef with Bullets. I clap cheering on the Kool Aide man. Right as he cheers 'OH YEAH' a blade goes through his chest, He's been stabbed in the back by the Hawiian punch dude. I whip out my 9 and empty the clip while yelling, "NOOOOOO!"

The Hawaiian punch dude is dead in a pool of red punch. I High five an invisible ninja that is strolling by on a visible pogo stick.

I decide to go on a walk just as a limo pulls up, It's the animated corpse of Bob Hope! Yay! He throws me some hostess cupcakes!

I saunter of to Dawson's creek where I see Dawson crying on the edge of a dock. "Dude, fucking get over yourself." Dawson turns to look at me and says, "Leave me alone! Joey loves Pacey!" I tell him that the show ended a few years ago and he needs to move on. Dawson ponders this a moment then Shoots himself his limp body falls in the creek. I realize this would've been an anwesome ending to the show and sit on the edge of the dock and begin to cry.

A litter of puppies run up to me and they smell like fresh baked cookies. I yell 'YAY!" and I join the circus!

At the circus I become a master of throwing knives and i can hit any target from 2000 yards out in high wind just like Martin Riggs. I soon become best friends with a penguin named Chance who is an expert at preparing frozen dinner where they taste like restaraunt food! It's an incredible talent to have let me tell you that. The best thing about it is that we never have to eat out cause we just load up on Night Hawk and Hungry Man dinners and live like kings. Until...

Chance is kindnapped by Mimes! We didn't realize till around noon because they are so quiet, we enlist the help of a bounty hunter named Giles Van Mandershnoot who is an expert in People Finding, He tells me that "Expert Knife throwing could come in handy in the life of a bounty hunter." I sign up in the Bounty Hunter's guild and get a nifty I.D. card and and set up business cards to hand out. Giles tells me that I should get a vehicle for Bounty hunting. We go to a used car lot and I find a really nice Solar Powered car called the 'Shiznit 3000' for only a handful of pennies! Jokes on them I don't ever have to fill it with gas and it come with Satellite radio! Woohoo!

I christen my car the 'Terrapin of Doom" or TOD and hop in and go top speed of 60 mph hot on the trail of those damn mimes. I crank and 80's station while searching. I drive for days until I happen upon a Diner in the middle of the desert. The sign reads, 'Best damn TV dinners ever!' I whip out my Ginsu's and walk in. IT'S FILLED WITH MIMES!

I see in the kitchen that poor ol' Chance is chained to the microwave. I get very angry and unsheath my blades.

The mimes seem to be pulling out invisible weapons and swinging them around.

Two minutes later they are all dead. It turns out that Chance spiked all of their tv dinners with Rat poison! We have a good laugh then hop in TOD and get the hell out of dodge.

1 comment:

ltlme said...

that just brought back memories.....the products....not the mimes.